The anatomy of My Submission

As this blog continues to grow, I felt it was important to share with my readers, who I am, why I am submissive, and how it has worked so well in my marriage.

Lets start with a bit about my life outside the home. Throughout my life I have actually always been a leader in most areas of my life. As early as my middle teens, I was always described as a leader by teachers in school, as as I grew up, I always quickly excelled into leadership positions in my career. In my current career, I am actually the superintendent of a construction company. Now some of my readers may think that the superintendent of a construction company could never be an authentic submissive man. Well this is the case. Throughout my day at work I am the one to make all of the crucial decisions, I lead and delegate duties to thirty plus employees on multiple job sites everyday. When I am at work, I am the one who makes decisions, I am the one who makes demands, and I am the one who holds people accountable. All of these leadership traits come very natural to me at work, I will be the first to admit, that I am very good at what I do, and would not be easily replaced. When I'm at work, it just flows so naturally, decisions come easy, being the boss of 30 plus men is what I was born to do.

At home however, this is not the case, I slowly realized in my late teens and early to mid twenties, that despite my leadership in my career setting, I was inferior to my wife in so many ways, and that I would never be happy until I was truly led and dominated by the woman I have loved for so many years prior. As I have explained in many of my posts, the first 10 years of my relationship with Miss Jessica was very vanilla and traditional, for the most part. When we began dating in High school I was a very popular and successful in school as I have been in most areas of my life. At that time, I would never have been perceived as submissive by others.  I always knew back then that I had many tendencies that were different that the "true alpha male", but nobody ever would have guessed it. I truly believe that threw the first few years, that Miss Jessica probably didn't have any idea either. There were a lot of traits that I had that were submissive, but at the time I did not know how to add them up and realize who i was, or was I ready to make that realization, because as I mentioned, I was always perceived as just the opposite of who I knew I was becoming.

One of the earliest signs of who I eventually became was my attraction to female feet. I can remember being attracted to female feet as early as middle school. I would always look at girls in open toe shoes and when they were bare feet. I could never explain it, nor did I ever have any control over it, but I always had a weakness for feet. When I was younger, as shallow as this sounds, I would put a lot of stock into the physical appearance of a females feet when considering dating her, as much stock as a normal alpha male would place on breasts or legs.  Most of my buddies at the time could care less what a girls feet looked like as long as she met his standards in other physical attributes. I however looked at and assessed a girls feet right away and it always played a big part in my decision making when choosing partners. Through High school I became more open about my foot fetish, but lets be honest, in high school, the majority of girls weren't that interested in foot play. My foot fetish has never wavered over the years, and has actually grown more intense as I have matured. When I was younger I didn't understand it, what it was, why I felt that way, but over the years I have really grown to understand that it was one of my first attributes or characteristics that helped define the submissive man I am today.



The next few signs,in my youth and younger twenties,of the submissive man I was becoming all took place on and off through a large period of time. Neither of them happened before the other, as they all overlapped and occurred in phases, on and off.  I wouldn't rank any one interest or experience higher than another, but each played a role in the submissive man I am so happily living as today.

The first of these would be my long interest in self anal play. From an early age , I always experimented with anal play during masturbation and at times on its own. I never knew at the time why this interested me, or why I desired it. At first it was with random objects that were " of the right shape", later as I matured I moved on to Dildos. I think in the beginning I wasn't mentally ready to use a " penis shaped dildo or dong" but I quickly became comfortable with the fact I didn't care if it was in the shape of a mans penis, because I loved how it felt to penetrate myself . Over the years I had no problem testing my limits and trying larger and larger dildos. Some were very tough at first, but I was always able to take them after practice. I really don't know why I always enjoyed this, but there was just always something about getting horny and stroking of my little penis while i lubed up a man sized dildo in front of the mirror and took it all the way in. The feeling that being stuffed provided me is indescribable and always provided me with great orgasms. Like all of the characteristics that led me to become a submissive man , I did not know how this desire was effecting me, or where it was leading me at the time, but looking back at these experiences in self anal play, I now know that it was only a part of me becoming  the submissive husband that I now am so happy to be.

Another major component in who I have become is my physical stature, and the fact that I am a short man. This doesn't mean that all short men end up like me, but in my case, I believe my height played a role in who I matured into being. I am 5'4" tall, which in the world of dominant masculine men is the height of a boy. Despite the fact that I have always had masculine features, my height always held me back in my ability to be "above, or superior" to a woman. In my vanilla dating days I always gravitated to short women for obvious reasons. At the time, that was my only way of being physically superior to them, and it looked better to at least be as tall as the woman you were dating. I went on to fall in love with and wed  a woman who was shorter than I. Despite Miss Jessica being shorter than I , my sense of superiority quickly faded. The truth is, even though I was physically superior to her at face value, I was always inferior to her in every other way. I quickly realized that even smaller women wanted tall well built men for a reason, which made since to me as most of Miss Jessica's former partners were just that, tall, well built, and most likely hung.  I went through a phase where I began to realize that ,despite my ability to attract very attractive women in my younger days with my charm and cute face,  as we all matured I  remained small and less physically appealing than the other guys who looked like "men" , the type of men that attractive women would lust after. My shortcomings slowly caused me to become intimidated by taller attractive woman. Don't get me wrong, I found them attractive as can be, but I knew that they were not for me, and I was not for them. As years past, this intimidation of tall attractive sexy woman only grew stronger, and the gap between the man that I was and the men they desired grew larger. This gap began to weaken my confidence around tall, confident, and powerful women, I became more comfortable in being less of a man, and it became more natural to follow these type of women than to lead them.  So as I said, not all short men follow this path, but for me being a short man and  how it impacted my confidence and sense of self around women definitely played a role in the submissive man that I so happily live as today.

So part having a small stature is usually having  a small package. This is also the case for me. Now I can be honest with myself. I am actually of average length, but thin in girth. I am around 6" erect which I know is actually considered average. I know that I am much larger than many submissive men, but I also know that I am much smaller than what I once wished to be, and what a hot dominant woman truly desires, needs, and deserves. The truth is, in High school, I actually had been been told by a few women that my size was great and that when I erect I was "Big", and on the short term at the time that was a confidence boost, but I quickly realized that I was far from that. I knew that I was smaller than other guys, I saw it in the locker room, I felt it inside the women that I bed. So the truth is , even though I was around average size, and even though I had seen other men very similar to my size, I was always smaller than most. The woman that I slept with never complained, as I always knew how to hit the spot, but I always wished that I was driving something larger home. I think that it was actually myself that created the original image of small self, I felt that I was to small, so in turn, due to my mindset, I became small. In my younger years, when I was told that my size was adequate, I acted bigger down below than I was, as I matured and I told myself that I was inadequate, I began to act smaller downstairs. Miss Jessica never complained about my size through our marriage, and always seemed to enjoy sex with me, it was me that originally led her to try larger toys, and become comfortable doing so in my presence. As I said, she had had large men, many of them before me, but I was the one she ultimately stayed with and married. I was the one who pushed her to openly desire more, I was the one who allowed her to become comfortable in finally telling me that I was small, and that she did prefer to be stuffed by larger then me. When Miss Jessica finally admitted her desire and need for something larger, she simply explained that it was just different. Than what I provided her was one thing, and that being filled to the max was another. She later took it a step further as our FLR progressed , to a point where she began to laugh at me when I was naked, laugh at my tiny bulge in my underwear, and dish out lite
humiliation when playing with my package in bed. I know that a lot of this was originally  pushed by me, but as she became more comfortable with her dominance, the truth came out. As many other subs have said, being submissive actually drives our penis to become smaller, and at some level this is true for me, the more submissive I am, the more I feel inadequate in my size, and in turn the more submissive I feel.

So at this point, I had accepted that I had a small penis, and that woman, including my wife, wanted and needed more. It was just the way it was. I had now learned to embrace my small penis, and the man that I had become rather than fight it and try to be someone I was not. At first this is a very difficult time, but in the long run, it makes life so much more natural, authentic, and  easy.  Miss Jessica and I began to experiment with large dildos in the bedroom. I usually would go to the toy store and pick them out myself. I would pick for her what I knew she deserved, and could handle. For more on how sex toys played a role in our relationship read the following link to a post that I previously wrote.
http://femdom-subhub.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-toys-that-led-us-here.html

The ongoing use of sex toys in our bedroom changed a lot in our relationship. In my opinion for Miss Jessica, they allowed her to experience the possibilities of what she could take. It allowed her to slowly become comfortable in expressing her desires and needs to be filled up in a setting that would not damage our relationship. It allowed her to see just how small I really was, compared to what she can handle. Most of all it  taught her how to truly think of her needs before mine, how to receive pleasure with no physical connection to my body or my small penis. In time in taught her how to role play and make human connections to men that she fantasized about as if they were the dildo. All of these experiences were big steps toward our FLR. If it were not for our use of sex toys, Miss Jessica may not have become as sexually open as she did, may not have separated  the need for me in her ability to reach orgasm through penetration. Miss Jessica has not cuckolded me to this point, and says she wont ( even though in the heat of the moment her desires often differ) but the use of sex toys has allowed us to share and understand each others fantasies, and take our sex life to a new level during the beginning of my journey towards life as a submissive husband.

For me, the sex toys impacted me in the ways I described in my post " The toys that led us here", but in terms of my mindset in relation to my penis size, they really drove me into a reality of submission and who I was. Just as Miss Jessica was learning to separate her need of me in a physical sense to bring her to orgasm, I was also learning that I was not needed to bring her to orgasm through penetration. Of course I already knew this for the most part, but night after night having her ask for her largest toy instead of me, or allowing me a minute or so inside her before she said " OK, that's enough, get the big one", or hearing her explain to me ( in a nice manner at first, which later became more to the point and about her needs) that what she needed that night was something I could not provide her, really made me realize what the future would hold. All of these things that I previously fantasized about and originally pushed her to need, desire, and ultimately do, were coming true. Of course I wanted her to do this, but when it actually happened, when she actually preferred large cock shaped dildos over my penis ( the same penis that in our vanilla days, she once loved) it was hard at first. These experiences at first evoked many emotions, some contradicting of the others. I had to remind myself that this is the path that I myself had led our marriage down. No matter how much angst, or emotional turmoil these realizations brought on me, I would always be on board and willing the next time she wanted to do it again.  I reached a point in my life and my submission, as did Miss Jessica in her life and Dominance, where I learned my role, and accepted that I was no longer carrying the package that she needed for satisfaction, and everyday I am more comfortable in this role.  I no longer wish that I carried a big package to please her, but rather I embrace my small penis for playing a part in allowing me to become the best sissy submissive I could become to properly serve her in other ways.

Providing women with oral sex was always something that I greatly enjoyed. In my past, prior to Miss Jessica, with other women as well, I would always be eager to pleasure a woman orally. I would say that my desire to do this would be more so than a average or non submissive man. ( don't get me wrong, I know all men like to eat pussy from time to time, but   I would assume that providing oral for most men would be a secondary desire) For me, providing oral is one of my favorite things to do. I'll be honest with myself when I say that I am good at it. Maybe I excel in this area to make up for my less than large penis, maybe I excel in oral simply because I just love to do it. Regardless of the reason, the fact is, I don't believe that there is a better way to pay tribute to a woman than to provide her with a devoted, eager, and intense pussy licking. I feel that when a man eats a woman's pussy it puts him in his place, on his knees for her, or below her between her thighs, in either of these settings, a man in literally at her service for her pleasure and not his own. It's comparable to a woman on her knees pleasing a bull or stud, her using her mouth to satisfy him, when I'm worshiping Miss Jessica's pussy, I have one thing in mind, making her feel as good as she can.  
I, like many other submissive men, do more than just lick a woman's pussy, I use my whole face, I don't miss a inch, I don't think about the fact that my whole face is covered in her juices from forehead to chin, in fact I crave this, just as a woman would crave taking a mans load on her face, I crave being  nothing more than a tool of which she uses to reach orgasm. Providing oral has been like this for me as long as I can remember, unlike other guys I knew growing up who only thought of their own pleasure and how they can objectify a woman, I have always been the one who wanted to be objectified by a woman, I always wanted to be the best pussy licker I could be. Looking back on this, among all of the other characteristics that I have, this is just another reason that I was always meant to be a submissive husband.

Here is a example of the devoted oral worship that I provide Miss Jessica regularly
http://femdom-subhub.blogspot.com/2013/05/worshiping-miss-jessicas-most-intimate.html

Pleasuring a woman's ass is something that most men would only do with their cock. Over 10 years Miss Jessica has never let me enter her ass with my penis. The truth is, she shouldn't either, there is nothing submissive about a man being allowed entry into a woman's ass.  It is exactly the opposite actually. Despite my in ability to penetrate Miss Jessica's ass with my penis, she loves when I pleasure her ass with my tongue  As mentioned before, most men would not drop to their knees for the opportunity to lick a woman's ass, I would drop to my knees faster than you can say drop, and I do quite often. I love every second of it. I love the feeling that I have when I'm worshiping the ass of a woman superior to me, I love how pathetic it makes me feel. I love the fact Miss Jessica uses me to provide her pleasure in that way. Being used to orally pleasure a dominant woman's ass solidifies my role as a submissive man, it is a constant reminder of my place in the relationship.

For the most part aside from my small penis and submissive tendencies I have always portrayed myself as a masculine man.  There are a few things that I feel are worth mentioning as far as feminine tendencies go however. None of these are major factors in my role as a submissive husband, but more so an indicator of where this relationship may lead if Miss Jessica wishes. I do not currently wear woman's panties as many submissive men do, but I do wear fly less men's trunks on a daily basis. In my opinion these are about as close to woman's panties in a men's undergarment as you can get. I love the way I feel when I am wearing tight trunks, and how small and pathetic my package and or lack of a bulge looks. Miss Jessica especially likes when I wear bright colored trunks. Whenever she wants to put me in a deep submissive place she will request that I wear them while performing domestic house duties. I have experimented with wearing her panties, and I must admit I do like to wear them, and have even been questioned by her in the past as to why dome were in the dirty clothes, but nothing ever came from it. If she requested that I wear them, I would, and would likely enjoy the humiliation that I received doing so, but until that point, woman's underwear is not something that currently takes place in our relationship or my submissive lifestyle.  I have always kept myself well groomed down below, usually trimmed very short and shaving/ shaping certain areas. Most men that I know or have seen naked do not take that approach  but from a young age, I always paid great detail in grooming below. I feel that it yet another trait that can be connected to the man I have become. If I were directed to do so, I would have no problem, and would actually prefer to be smooth on my legs chest and underarms as well. I am sure that once I begin to wear panties more regular, it will be preferred that I keep myself smooth. Again, I know that none of the above feminine tenancies are what makes or doesn't make a submissive man, but I would be comfortable going in this direction down the road if Miss Jessica desired that I become more feminine for her, but as it stands now, I will continue keeping well trimmed and wearing my tight trunks for her.

The last thing that I feel is worth mentioning would be a brief discussion on my sexual orientation and tendencies. I have always viewed myself as a straight man, with bi sexual curiosities or tendencies. I love and adore woman, and am sexually attracted to woman as much as any other guy. I have however had sexual experiences with two men in my past. These experiences were driven out of curiosity. In both experiences, I actually would have been in more of a dominant role, as the receiver of oral. In both cases, I was pleasured by another man and did not return the favor in any way, beyond a brief hand job and foot job on one guy. These experiences took place 12 years ago, and nothing of the like has happened since. 

To this day I still have mixed emotions on the impact that these experiences had on me, who I have become, and the submissive husband I am now. I don't have a desire to be with a man in a stand alone situation again, but it is worth saying that I would not be oppose to taking on a submissive role toward a man in the company of Miss Jessica if she desired. I am sure at some level, that these experiences helped guide me in the direction of FLR to some point, but I am not sure how much, as my passion is to submit to, serve, and pleasure a dominant woman more than anything else. if Miss Jessica presented a situation where I was to engage in activity with another man weather it be for her enjoyment or in a cuckolding situation, I would not have a problem with it, but I would also be just as happy if it were to never happen as well. As I said, i don't feel that these experiences played a major role in the man I have become, but I felt it was only fair to mention at the same time.  On the other hand, I have used dildos for my own pleasure, I have masturbated with other men, and I have openly had envy of dildo shaped penises in the company of my wife, so I think it goes with out saying most sexually submissive men have some level of bi sexual tendencies, as it comes with the territory of our roles.

On a non sexual level, I feel it is important to highlight some of my domestic duties around the home. I do 95% of the housework in our home. I hand wash the dishes, I do all the laundry as well as folding and putting the clothes away. I vacuum  mop, dust, prepare most meals, wash the bedding,clean the bathroom, as well as all of the normal duties that a husband would do around the yard and garage as well. I do these things with a smile, I feel it is my responsibility to take care of these tasks to allow Miss Jessica more time to relax, and spend more time with our daughter. I am also responsible for a large portion of Miss Jessica's pampering and assisting her with personal grooming. I provide her with daily foot and leg massages, followed by a full body massage each night before bed.  Each week i remove her old toenail polish and apply new. I am required to apply a spray tan at her request usually 2-3 nights a week after she showers. I am responsible for shaving her area when she desires. Providing her with all of these services makes me feel as submissive as can be. There is nothing like being told to kneel and paint your wife's toe nails while she reads a book, or being required to shave her pubic area.  Performing these domestic services around the house and assisting her with personal grooming and pampering are a constant reminder of my place in the relationship, as well as a reinforcement of her control over me.

Everything that I have discussed has played a part in the submissive man that I have become. All of these things come natural, all of these experiences are parts of who I am most natural being. Living as a submissive husband to a superior woman is the most liberating thing I have ever done. I feel truly blessed to have found a comfortable place and role with a perfect woman. I would not change anything about the path our relationship has went, and I am excited to continue to fall deeper in submission to Miss Jessica. As much as I excel at leading crews of men at work, making decisions and solving problems on a day to day basis, I would not have a balanced lifestyle If I were unable to be led by a superior woman at home.

I truly hope that this has helped anyone reading to understand me, and the path that led me to who I have become. I am more than happy to answer questions, and hope that not only does this help others understand me, but also maybe help another better understand themselves. Submitting to a superior woman for me is the only way of life, the way it must be for Miss Jessica and I, it is the way that works, the way that makes our family the best it can be. I know this lifestyle is not for everyone, but this lifestyle has been the best thing that has ever happened in our relationship, and I awake each day with a sense of purpose, a sense of happiness, a sense of devotion, a sense of belonging and a sense of self as a happy submissive husband.